[ memories always alongside ]

Thursday, May 03, 2007

things have come to this outcome..

i should just let go everything and carry on as per normal right?

but i cant do it..simply cant. i cared about you too much during the last 9months we are together..too much that i cant bring myself to stop caring about you..stop worrying about you now.

i understand the situation perfectly. .
you are not mine anymore..
you have found a new love..
you wont care for me like you do in the past..
you dont love me anymore..
you are just too used to me caring & helping you do things that you dont know how to reject or cast me away..

EVERYONE around me simply tell me to GIVE UP..just give up! no point holding onto a r/s that doesnt belong to me anymore. i really try to giv up but i cant. i step back after taking the first step out. perhaps i will let go slowly..bit by bit ba. perhaps....
been scolded by friends around me.. say why cant i just wake up and see that he has walked away from me for good and wont be back anymore. i know i wont be able to hug him to hold him like mine anymore..not anymore but i really do and just will care about him like in the past. i have been beaten, scolded like hell and even being threatened that if i dont give up..the friendship will be gone. despite all this..i dont know why i am able or want to but i am doing it still.
maybe deeeep deeppp down in my heart i am still hoping that he will come back to me. but i understand fully that this is not going to happen to me. he has left..left me foe good.. no matter how i hope for him to stay. . . .
Just let me be till all hopes are dashed can..my darlings, my dearies, my friends?

right now my heart is so broken that it is so empty inside. i cant seem to get touched, angry, disappointed, sad, unhappy nowadays/recently le. why must my heart feel so empty? i feel like i am a robot with no heart at all...
but i feel that i am such a bitch also.. he already got a new girl but i am still not letting him go. i am cheapening myself to get his attention. is this what i should do? no! i know its not but i cant stop myself. even if i cheapen myself to get his attention..is only for that while.
his main focus has been shifted to other girl/s and not me. . .

sometimes i do feel his care and concern still but is all this real? or is just an illusion on my part or that he created it?

haiz.. i hate the way things turn out.
my weight has been dropping..from 55kg to 48/49kg.
is this how i should be? i dont think so. i am trying hard to eat..to stuff some food in my stomach but i just cant and do not have the appetite to eat. alot of people have been telling me..i have slim down alot.. i am too skinny now. should eat more. but i really dont have the appetite to eat. i know my decreasing weight is taking a toll on my health, my body. but i am just too tired to bother about this...

i just want my comfort zone..a place wher i will be protected from all bad stuff and able to move around with no worries =)
i am tired..tire out from all incidents.......
i want a good rest.. i want my holiday!!!! ='(

soMickey-ish' ; 12:40 PM ; Comment it!