[ memories always alongside ]

Thursday, August 31, 2006

This is just a post i am ranting my frustrations/thoughts/feelings..etc.
nothing on my day or whatever. so those unconcerned personnel can just navigate away becuz it will be a damm long post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im seriously having doubts in this.. serious or not.
if you are not tell me earlier.. if you are den i will be more den happy.
i dont wish to know you are doing that to me.. but if it is i want to know the truth.
i hate to be lied to. its a fact that everyone knows.
i will hate you if i found out the truth..really hate you. (even though i will forgive a period of time)
i rather face the cruel truth even though it hurts.
i really cant phatom what's in ur mind.
sometimes you seem so nice but at times you seem cold.
when i ask you that qn, i am prepared for the ans.
but still, i feel terrible when i know the ans.
my friends and i keep telling myself not to input too much into this.
those who care are protecting me by telling me that, but this is not within my control too.
i really feel insecure, no matter how hard i tried to assure myself.
if i am a gf that you dont wish or cant bring out and show ur friends den whats the point of staying together.
i am not implying anything but thats the impression i get.
some things are not meant to say out straight in the face or directly.
its for you to feel and take action about it.

i keep telling myself nothing will come out of this..but i dont wana giv up.
why?
i dont know.
mayb its becuz i just need someone there for me.. or i dont wana find anymore.
i am not sure what i really want so dont ask me.
i tend to hang on but able to fall in love easily with a new one.
this doesnt mean i dont like the prev just that i choose to push it to the back.
i am fickle..i know that well.
this is why i have so many exs.
having many exs doesnt mean i am cheap or whatever. just that i am able to fall in love faster den others.
i did put in effort in every r/s i have and treat every r/s with importance..regardless how long it last.
but i admit i put in alot alot alot of feelings only for 3 of them.

some people comment that i am so good..have so many exs.
sometimes i think having 1 or 2 ex only is not a bad thing. at least you wont be tired after having so many failed r/s.
having too many r/s will enable one to see more clearly towards guy.. as in choose a good guy?
NO..not at all.
if the guy really want to cheat on you and bent on not letting you find out. you wont be able to find out.. mayb will after you two break up or he told you after awhile. but defnitely not when he cheated on you.
i dont understand why guys want to two-timed? izit really so exciting?
have they not considered that when they two-timed, the girls are the one who will get hurt ultimately?
the guy will be so happy and yaya that he have two girlfriends but the girl's world just revolve around this only guy and put their whole heart in the r/s. if they choose this girl and dump the other one.. they will say sorry (at most) and continue his life with this other girl he choose. the thought that the girl he dumped will be so sad and heartbroken and might have phobia of being two-timed will never cross his mind.
alright not all guys are like that but minority of the guys are.
girls are sensitive beings.
we are able to sense something is wrong in the r/s we are in.
why cook up lies to cover for that only wrong that you commit. if you admit, we will be angry at you for 1 or 2 days. but if you choose to cover up, we will be hurt if we find out. why make ur gf feel hurt when letting her get angry will be a better choice (out of those two).
lies will make ur gf feel unsure whether they should trust you again.
i encountered so many lies, backstabbing that i am numb..really numbed.

why i choose to forgive someone that hurt me so badly?
no why.
i just think that so what if you hate that person.. it doesnt do me any good either.
yes, he have really hurt me..very very badly last time but whats done cant be undone.
hate him also have to carry on with my life.. forgive also have to carry on with my life.
i might as well forgive and carry on.. my heart will feel lighter also. a heart filled with hatred will be so heavy. (to me)

i dont understand why nowadays i tend to sink into a state of confusion with regards to r/s.
some things i choose to ignore and keep inside..hoping things will get better.
i really feel like venting everything out but i didnt.

soMickey-ish' ; 12:08 AM ; Comment it!