things have come to this outcome..
i should just let go everything and carry on as per normal right?
but i cant do it..simply cant. i cared about you too much during the last 9months we are together..too much that i cant bring myself to stop caring about you..stop worrying about you now.
i understand the situation perfectly. .
you are not mine anymore..
you have found a new love..
you wont care for me like you do in the past..
you dont love me anymore..
you are just too used to me caring & helping you do things that you dont know how to reject or cast me away..
EVERYONE around me simply tell me to GIVE UP..just give up! no point holding onto a r/s that doesnt belong to me anymore. i really try to giv up but i cant. i step back after taking the first step out. perhaps i will let go slowly..bit by bit ba. perhaps....
been scolded by friends around me.. say why cant i just wake up and see that he has walked away from me for good and wont be back anymore. i know i wont be able to hug him to hold him like mine anymore..not anymore but i really do and just will care about him like in the past. i have been beaten, scolded like hell and even being threatened that if i dont give up..the friendship will be gone. despite all this..i dont know why i am able or want to but i am doing it still.
maybe deeeep deeppp down in my heart i am still hoping that he will come back to me. but i understand fully that this is not going to happen to me. he has left..left me foe good.. no matter how i hope for him to stay. . . .
Just let me be till all hopes are dashed can..my darlings, my dearies, my friends?
right now my heart is so broken that it is so empty inside. i cant seem to get touched, angry, disappointed, sad, unhappy nowadays/recently le. why must my heart feel so empty? i feel like i am a robot with no heart at all...
but i feel that i am such a bitch also.. he already got a new girl but i am still not letting him go. i am cheapening myself to get his attention. is this what i should do? no! i know its not but i cant stop myself. even if i cheapen myself to get his attention..is only for that while.
his main focus has been shifted to other girl/s and not me. . .
sometimes i do feel his care and concern still but is all this real? or is just an illusion on my part or that he created it?
haiz.. i hate the way things turn out.
my weight has been dropping..from 55kg to 48/49kg.
is this how i should be? i dont think so. i am trying hard to eat..to stuff some food in my stomach but i just cant and do not have the appetite to eat. alot of people have been telling me..i have slim down alot.. i am too skinny now. should eat more. but i really dont have the appetite to eat. i know my decreasing weight is taking a toll on my health, my body. but i am just too tired to bother about this...
i just want my comfort zone..a place wher i will be protected from all bad stuff and able to move around with no worries =)
i am tired..tire out from all incidents.......
i want a good rest.. i want my holiday!!!! ='(
soMickey-ish' ; 12:40 PM ; Comment it!
Here's some pics to brighten up my blog =)
soMickey-ish' ; 1:10 AM ; Comment it!
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!
its too late to wish everyone a happy cny but as u all know cny lasts for 15 days ma.. so i can still wish. better be late den never rite? hehe.
from chu xi to chu san.. i weant around relatives' houses and darlin relatives' house to bai nian and collect ang baos.
spend most of my time at darlin relative's house... gambling and chatting.
chu si.. meet up with the ee gongs..all 8 of us!! for steamboat. =) its rare for all 8 of us to meet up and hang out together so really treasure the time spent even though its nt a totally pleasant time for me (nt related to ee gongs).
chu wu..meet pauline at amk for dinner and catch-up session. after that meet darlin to attend funeral. im not a pang dang person so its alright for me to attend funeral during cny. haha. bai wu jing ji!
chu liu..meet ker darling at mos burger to study but we dint really study. keep chatting about our issues..girls talk. hahhaa. spend a long time with her and enjoying all the time spent.. we shall meet up again alrights? ;)
chu ji..its everyone birthday cuz its ren ri!! hahaa. went to a vegetarian dinner at Suntec with mommy, gramps, aunties and uncles. quite a grand event and the food are quite nice too.
chu ba..acc med go town for her stuff den went to bukit batok pasta mania for our late lunch. ahhaa. the pasta is okok only.. bugis pasta mania is still my fav!! meet up with darlin after that and hang out together.
chu jiu.. IMC paper! first paper for this sem.. and i hope i can pass ba. dont have the feeling i will score well.
i really dont know i should further my studies..getting a degree or step into the society to work first. i am beginning to lose my direction in life. i am at a loss at what i should do. dearies say should study first.. if work first then one will tend to lose interest in studying later on. mayb i will just study first ba.. but i dont wana study for the sake of studying like getting a diploma and drag myself through the process again. haiz. let me sort out my thoughts deeper...
the word 'marriage' keep popping into my mind nowadays.. should i or should i not? stepping into a marriage means a lifetime of committment and trust..
i know i agree by nxt year i will..i dont regret that decision but somehow i am doubting myself. . after all the incidents that happened. perhaps time will allow us to see things in a much clearer view. . .
to be able to stay by your side.. i am contented. no matter what the future holds..i am thankful for everything you have done & all the memories you have given me. . .
soMickey-ish' ; 2:02 AM ; Comment it!
never go out whole day.. stay at home and slack.
trying to do proj but nothing much came out.
saw something i shdnt see..dampen my mood. mayb its bliss to be ignorant ba. . .
soMickey-ish' ; 11:52 PM ; Comment it!
what is truth?
sometimes what u see might be the truth but unless u wana acknowledge it,
if not it will not be the truth..
thr truth you want.
soMickey-ish' ; 6:39 PM ; Comment it!
in a relationship.. is hanging on or letting go considered wise decision?
there's really nothing like forever.. everything is subjected to changes . every single issue/matter/people/thing will change as time goes by. sometimes people come and go.. some dont even leave a print in ur life but they are a part of ur memories.
what exactly is needed to sustain/maintain a relationship?
i dont know..
mayb.. trust, honesty, so-called chemistry?
many factors contribute to building a lasting relationship. .
i am tired really tired.. whethe in a r/s or not. . .
soMickey-ish' ; 12:36 AM ; Comment it!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
a few more hours will be a brand new year - 2007 for everyone.
2006 is considered a good year for me..
-i get to spend so many time with the eegongs and get to know each other better.
-i get to know my laogong
i wont be making any new year resolutions because i wont be able to keep it. haha.
Dec 30
really had sooooo much fun with my eegongs and darlin ar..
(its abit late to exchange x'mas gifts but we got no time to meet up ma)
love ya =)
update photos later..
*i love u too much to let u go..
soMickey-ish' ; 5:12 PM ; Comment it!
went out with mom todae and bought 1 top and 1 pair of shoe. ahhaa. SHOE!! i just adore buying shoes la.. its my 3rd pair within 2 weeks. acutally not too bad ma..2 weeks only buy 3 pairs. considered alright le rite? wahaha.
had swensens for dinner with vinnce at thomson plaza.. the newly introduce happy feet baked rice is ok only. not very nice. their usual baked rice are still nicer lala. hahas.
*what i get is only tons of disappointment... really getting dishearted. . .
soMickey-ish' ; 11:15 PM ; Comment it!